Wanna keep her from slipping?
In my experience, the WORST
mistakes men make with women happen during
the very early stages of the relationship.
Relationships may fall apart from various
strains and challenges over time, but in most
cases the very best time to deal with those
challenges are when they FIRST come up right
at the very beginning.
Unfortunately, this is rarely done for a
simple reason.
When we first meet someone special, we really
do become ‘blinded’ by love in a sense.
All these crazy hormones affect our judgment,
and more importantly our ability to
rationalize away potential problems.
This is a fairly well understood biological
process, and if you think you’re above it’s
effects, then maybe you also think you can
breath the air at 50,000 ft or survive for a
month without water.
When we are blinded by love, we naturally
overlook the shortcomings of our partners,
and more important, the shortcomings of the
relationship.
And THAT is a shame.
Women are INCREDIBLY flexible when they feel
safe with a strong and responsible man, and
relationships that are just forming are like
a blank page waiting to accept whatever you
can dream up and create.
On the other hand, any small problems that
form early on can magnify many times over as
the relationship evolves.
Something that seems insignificant in the
beginning can easily create a rift that will
go on to destroy an otherwise healthy
relationship.
Because of that, you owe to yourself, and to
her, to stomp out problems right away, before
they turn into resentment – resentment that
can destroy the relationship.
I’ll give you a simple example.
I spent a lot of
time meeting women in bars and clubs.
I also put way too much weight on how ‘hot’ a
woman was – to the extent that I lost sight
of some other more important standards I had
set for the women I date.
In my pursuit for more attractive, more
desired women, I ended up breaking my long
standing rule of never dating women who
smoked.
(By the way, if you’re a smoker, that’s cool
and we can still be friends. As a non-
smoker, it just happens to be a turn-off for
me personally)
I had recently had a short relationship with
a smoker, and formed a little story about my
experiences with her.
I never told this story to women when I first
met them, but I WOULD tell it to them first
time they smoked in front of me during a
date.
This story did a few important things:
It conveyed that I did not judge people who
smoked.
It also conveyed that I did not find smoking
attractive, and that I just wasn’t able to
make dating a women who smoked around me
work.
Since it didn’t work, I wouldn’t put myself -
or a woman that was important to me – through
that situation again.
When I was done with the story, I looked the
woman in the eye and SINCERELY asked if she
would agree to NOT smoke during the time she
chose to be with me.
Like everything during that time of my life,
this whole thing seemed like just a fun
experiment…
…until the next time I met a truly AMAZING
women, that is.
She was stunning and graceful. A true African woman.
Savagely intelligent… AND
You guessed it… a smoker.
We dated for a few months before she had to
move back to South Africa for her career, and
had a great time together.
I’ll never forget the last thing she said to
me.
She said I was the ONLY man she had ever quit
smoking for.
She said that many men had tried to get her
to quit, and the more she tried the more she
had resisted.
She had no why she had stopped for me – but I
knew.
Those men had ACCEPTED her as a smoker when
they were blinded by love, but had then tried
to control her and change her behavior later.
I, on the other hand, did not try to change
her or control her when we were in a
relationship.
I had simply articulated my rules about
dating and relationships, and I had done it
BEFORE I was ‘blinded by love’.
In fact, I had done it before we had even
kissed.
And I did it with respect, while emphasizing
that she had a choice to accept me the way I
am or not.
So when you meet an amazing woman, and things
are going well, and you start getting excited
that this could really be leading
somewhere…
STAY FOCUSED.
This is NOT the time to just relax and enjoy
the fruits of your labor.
No my friend…
This is the time to set the right foundation,
to make sure the relationship moves in a
direction where it can flourish.
And the BETTER things are, the more you
should look for opportunities to make it EVEN
better.
If I’ve learned anything from my experiences,
it’s that things can always be better you
ever thought possible, and women WILL respond
to a strong man who has the best interests of
the relationship at heart.
After all, it’s pretty easy to make a woman
happy when you simply CAN’T BELIEVE how good
you have it with her.
And when you’re in that situation, you’ll do
anything but take advantage of her.
You will cherish her, protect her, and find
new way ways to light her up.
And you’ll be a better man then you ever
thought you could be.
Until then, prepare yourself, because when
you meet her, the time for learning the
basics will be over.
It will be time for you to act on what you
have learned about women, and to show her
that you can understand her and take care of
her better then she understands herself.
She’s out there somewhere…
When you meet her, be ready.
How to Give Her New Experiences..;-)
One of the most shocking realizations I came across in studying human psychology is ALSO one of the most useful in relationships with women. Here it is: As a group, we humans are TERRIBLE at predicting how we will feel about almost ANYTHING significant we haven't yet experienced. I'm NOT a psychologist, but what I'm sharing with you is generally accepted by all those scientist-types and is backed by tons of studies. This may sound uninteresting, but it is the key to why MOST guys do all the WRONG things when they are trying to lead a woman into a new experience. And once you understand this phenomenon - and how to use it - you will find leading women through new experiences to be much simpler. Whether you want to share new levels of physical intimacy, take a serious relationship to a new level, or start a casual affair she may not be used to, this can help you. Sound good? Okay, back to our psychology lesson. If you imagine a change in your life - anything from a move, to a death in the family, to a change in job responsibilities - you probably have an idea what it will FEEL like and HOW you would react to it. And chances are, you'd be wrong. Chances are good you'd actually feel much differently about it then you had predicted you would. (Don't worry, that doesn't make you an idiot or anything, it just makes you human) I've noticed this is also true about new experiences. Okay, so what does this have to do with WOMEN? Not much, unless you happen to be the kind of guy that wants to lead a woman (or a LOT of women) through some new experiences. Personally, that is one of my FAVORITE things to do - if you feel the same, then let me share how powerful this phenomenon can be. It turns out that if you want to know how you will feel about something, you are BETTER OFF relying on SOMEONE ELSE's opinion. Someone who has been through the experience before. (Or, even better, someone who has coached others through the experience.) This is a bit of a head trip, but if you have been with women as they go through a NEW experience, then you are actually BETTER at imagining how they will react to the experience then THEY are. You are much better at preparing them, guiding them, and taking care of them then they could ever be. Not because you're brilliant. Not because you are a man. Because you are EXPERIENCED. Okay, so here is what is counterintuitive about all this. When MOST guys want to do something NEW with a woman, they do the WORST THING POSSIBLE. They make a BIG DEAL out of it somehow. Maybe they have a serious sit-down talk about it. Maybe they go out of their way to take care of her and make sure she feels comfortable. Or maybe they find some other way to make the experience seem weird or out of the ordinary. Let me be clear. You DO want to make sure she is comfortable, and obviously you DO care about her best interests... But... You DON'T want to go out of your way to show it. Why not? Because if you go out of your way, it makes her think that you are concerned about the situation... ...and if YOU are concerned about the situation then that make HER concerned. After all, if you're SURE she's going to have a good time, then you'd just relax and get on with it, without fussing over the details. This may seem like an unimportant detail, but in my experience this is critical. After all, in most cases, women don't actually KNOW how experienced you are. They tend to just sense how comfortable you are with the activity in question, and they use that to decide whether they are in good hands or not. After all, when someone is experienced with something, you can just tell by the relaxed nature by which they do that thing. They do it the same way they would do just about anything else they do everyday, like walking to the supermarket, or driving to work. So... When a woman is in a new experience with you, the LAST thing you want to do is change ANYTHING about your behavior. Here's the best way to think about it: Imagine you met a woman who had never had Ice Cream in her life. Obviously, you'd want to share the experience with her - after all, who doesn't like Ice Cream? But you'd share it with her in a certain way. You'd have no attachment to when she had it - or even IF she had it. After all, it's clear she's going to have it EVENTUALLY, and there's no reason she wouldn't want to have it with you. When you finally do get some ice cream with her you wouldn't be fussing over all the details... After all - Ice Cream is great any way you have it. There's really no way to screw it up, UNLESS you make a big deal out of it. Now me TELLING you to be relaxed and ACTUALLY being relaxed are two different things. As you can imagine, I give a lot of tips and a few exercises in the Zero Drama Dating program available this week. But for now, just notice how you interact with women on a day-to-day basis, and HOLD THAT ENERGY through those moments you want to try something .... new.
Unataka? Galfriend or to be a ladies man?
I have a question for you.
Do you want to be a “ladies’ man” or do you just want a girlfriend? A smart man wants both.
When guys ask me about being great with women, the first question I always ask is: “Unataka?”
Many tell me they want one girlfriend only because they just can’t create the picture of themselves dating three women at the same time. It’s so far out of their reality.
But the truth is that the possibilities are endless. You can have what you want, but in order to get it you have to be open to it. You have to believe that it’s possible… and that it’s possible for you.
Want to date three to four women without lying nor using manipulation? It’s done all the time by guys who live that reality. Yes, you can be upfront and honest to all of them. Yes, many will walk away. Yes, many will be okay with it.
It’s also okay to date just one girl if that’s what you really want. If your friends are always going on about their conquests and pressure you to get “laid” more often, then tell them to get lost. Be who you are.
The only danger that I see often with this situation is that the guy gets too attached. It’s human nature for a guy to want to be around this beautiful girl at all times and know what she’s doing every minute of every day.
When this happens, the guy usually begins to display possessiveness and insecurities that kill the relationship. The girl leaves him and he’s left scratching his head, all lonely and hurt wondering what he did wrong.
I recommend to guys that in the beginning, you date two to three girls. Yes, maybe you like one girl more than the other two. But since you have the other two, you’re not going to get obsessed with one.
When you start to think “I wonder what she’s doing”, your ship begins to sink. This is the first sign of neediness growing in your mind. This is the point where you begin to self-sabotage yourself in the relationship.
More than anything, a woman wants a man with a life—a guy who isn’t going to smother her. That’s why most women out there really are open to your dating other women (at least in the beginning until her emotions get the better of her). They’ll never admit it, but women find a man who has other women in his life attractive.
It means he has a life and that he’s a challenge for her to win over. Which is why it’s best to be a “ladies’ man” even if you just want one girlfriend. At least until she’s proven herself to you for a very long time. (And I’m talking years here. Months don’t cut it.)
Being a “ladies’ man” is nothing but having choice in your life. You don’t have to be a “player”. A player lies and manipulates whereas a ladies’ man is honest and direct. A player says, “You’re the only girl in my life” but a ladies’ man says, “I’m not ready to settle down and I’m seeing a couple of girls”.
Believe it or not, when you say this it makes women want you even more. Be honest to yourself and be honest to the women in your life. Even if it’s bold or comes across as rude or arrogant, don’t shy away from it.
And please… don’t make the mistake of locking yourself into a relationship too soon. On the other hand, don’t be a player. Find a balance between the two. Be honest with yourself and others. Follow these simple steps and women will automatically gravitate into your life.
