Santzu's Blog

Wanna keep her from slipping?

santzu — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 09:27:09 +0000

In my experience, the WORST
mistakes men make with women happen during
the very early stages of the relationship.

Relationships may fall apart from various
strains and challenges over time, but in most
cases the very best time to deal with those
challenges are when they FIRST come up right
at the very beginning.

Unfortunately, this is rarely done for a
simple reason.

When we first meet someone special, we really
do become ‘blinded’ by love in a sense.

All these crazy hormones affect our judgment,
and more importantly our ability to
rationalize away potential problems.

This is a fairly well understood biological
process, and if you think you’re above it’s
effects, then maybe you also think you can
breath the air at 50,000 ft or survive for a
month without water.

When we are blinded by love, we naturally
overlook the shortcomings of our partners,
and more important, the shortcomings of the
relationship.

And THAT is a shame.

Women are INCREDIBLY flexible when they feel
safe with a strong and responsible man, and
relationships that are just forming are like
a blank page waiting to accept whatever you
can dream up and create.

On the other hand, any small problems that
form early on can magnify many times over as
the relationship evolves.

Something that seems insignificant in the
beginning can easily create a rift that will
go on to destroy an otherwise healthy
relationship.

Because of that, you owe to yourself, and to
her, to stomp out problems right away, before
they turn into resentment – resentment that
can destroy the relationship.

I’ll give you a simple example.

I spent a lot of
time meeting women in bars and clubs.

I also put way too much weight on how ‘hot’ a
woman was – to the extent that I lost sight
of some other more important standards I had
set for the women I date.

In my pursuit for more attractive, more
desired women, I ended up breaking my long
standing rule of never dating women who
smoked.

(By the way, if you’re a smoker, that’s cool
and we can still be friends. As a non-
smoker, it just happens to be a turn-off for
me personally)

I had recently had a short relationship with
a smoker, and formed a little story about my
experiences with her.

I never told this story to women when I first
met them, but I WOULD tell it to them first
time they smoked in front of me during a
date.

This story did a few important things:

It conveyed that I did not judge people who
smoked.

It also conveyed that I did not find smoking
attractive, and that I just wasn’t able to
make dating a women who smoked around me
work.

Since it didn’t work, I wouldn’t put myself -
or a woman that was important to me – through
that situation again.

When I was done with the story, I looked the
woman in the eye and SINCERELY asked if she
would agree to NOT smoke during the time she
chose to be with me.

Like everything during that time of my life,
this whole thing seemed like just a fun
experiment…

…until the next time I met a truly AMAZING
women, that is.

She was stunning and graceful. A true African woman.

Savagely intelligent… AND

You guessed it… a smoker.

We dated for a few months before she had to
move back to South Africa for her career, and
had a great time together.

I’ll never forget the last thing she said to
me.

She said I was the ONLY man she had ever quit
smoking for.

She said that many men had tried to get her
to quit, and the more she tried the more she
had resisted.

She had no why she had stopped for me – but I
knew.

Those men had ACCEPTED her as a smoker when
they were blinded by love, but had then tried
to control her and change her behavior later.

I, on the other hand, did not try to change
her or control her when we were in a
relationship.

I had simply articulated my rules about
dating and relationships, and I had done it
BEFORE I was ‘blinded by love’.

In fact, I had done it before we had even
kissed.

And I did it with respect, while emphasizing
that she had a choice to accept me the way I
am or not.

So when you meet an amazing woman, and things
are going well, and you start getting excited
that this could really be leading
somewhere…

STAY FOCUSED.

This is NOT the time to just relax and enjoy
the fruits of your labor.

No my friend…

This is the time to set the right foundation,
to make sure the relationship moves in a
direction where it can flourish.

And the BETTER things are, the more you
should look for opportunities to make it EVEN
better.

If I’ve learned anything from my experiences,
it’s that things can always be better you
ever thought possible, and women WILL respond
to a strong man who has the best interests of
the relationship at heart.

After all, it’s pretty easy to make a woman
happy when you simply CAN’T BELIEVE how good
you have it with her.

And when you’re in that situation, you’ll do
anything but take advantage of her.

You will cherish her, protect her, and find
new way ways to light her up.

And you’ll be a better man then you ever
thought you could be.

Until then, prepare yourself, because when
you meet her, the time for learning the
basics will be over.

It will be time for you to act on what you
have learned about women, and to show her
that you can understand her and take care of
her better then she understands herself.

She’s out there somewhere…

When you meet her, be ready.

Posted in body language, couples, dating, east africa, kenya, love, women Tagged: buzz, couples, daily nation, eastandard, insight, kenya, love, mantalk, pulse, zuqka

How to Give Her New Experiences..;-)

santzu — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 09:06:00 +0000

One of the most shocking realizations I came
across in studying human psychology is ALSO
one of the most useful in relationships with
women.
 
Here it is:
 
As a group, we humans are TERRIBLE at
predicting how we will feel about almost
ANYTHING significant we haven't yet
experienced.
 
I'm NOT a psychologist, but what I'm sharing
with you is generally accepted by all those
scientist-types and is backed by tons of
studies.
 
This may sound uninteresting, but it is the
key to why MOST guys do all the WRONG things
when they are trying to lead a woman into a
new experience.
 
And once you understand this phenomenon -
and how to use it - you will find leading
women through new experiences to be much
simpler.
 
Whether you want to share new levels of
physical intimacy, take a serious
relationship to a new level, or start a
casual affair she may not be used to, this
can help you.
 
Sound good?
 
Okay, back to our psychology lesson.
 
If you imagine a change in your life -
anything from a move, to a death in the
family, to a change in job responsibilities -
you probably have an idea what it will FEEL
like and HOW you would react to it.
 
And chances are, you'd be wrong.
 
Chances are good you'd actually feel much
differently about it then you had predicted
you would.
 
(Don't worry, that doesn't make you an idiot
or anything, it just makes you human)
 
I've noticed this is also true about new
experiences.
 
Okay, so what does this have to do with
WOMEN?
 
Not much, unless you happen to be the kind of
guy that wants to lead a woman (or a LOT of
women) through some new experiences.
 
Personally, that is one of my FAVORITE things
to do - if you feel the same, then let me
share how powerful this phenomenon can be.
 
It turns out that if you want to know how you
will feel about something, you are BETTER OFF
relying on SOMEONE ELSE's opinion.
 
Someone who has been through the experience
before.
 
(Or, even better, someone who has coached
others through the experience.)
 
This is a bit of a head trip, but if you have
been with women as they go through a NEW
experience, then you are actually BETTER at
imagining how they will react to the
experience then THEY are.
 
You are much better at preparing them,
guiding them, and taking care of them then
they could ever be.
 
Not because you're brilliant.
 
Not because you are a man.
 
Because you are EXPERIENCED.
 
Okay, so here is what is counterintuitive
about all this.
 
When MOST guys want to do something NEW with
a woman, they do the WORST THING POSSIBLE.
 
They make a BIG DEAL out of it somehow.
 
Maybe they have a serious sit-down talk about
it.
 
Maybe they go out of their way to take care
of her and make sure she feels comfortable.
 
Or maybe they find some other way to make the
experience seem weird or out of the ordinary.
 
Let me be clear.
 
You DO want to make sure she is comfortable,
and obviously you DO care about her best
interests...
 
But...
 
You DON'T want to go out of your way to show
it.
 
Why not?
 
Because if you go out of your way, it makes
her think that you are concerned about the
situation...
 
...and if YOU are concerned about the
situation then that make HER concerned.
 
After all, if you're SURE she's going to have
a good time, then you'd just relax and get on
with it, without fussing over the details.
 
This may seem like an unimportant detail, but
in my experience this is critical.
 
After all, in most cases, women don't
actually KNOW how experienced you are.
 
They tend to just sense how comfortable you
are with the activity in question, and they
use that to decide whether they are in good
hands or not.
 
After all, when someone is experienced with
something, you can just tell by the relaxed
nature by which they do that thing.
 
They do it the same way they would do just
about anything else they do everyday, like
walking to the supermarket, or driving to
work.
 
So...
 
When a woman is in a new experience with you,
the LAST thing you want to do is change
ANYTHING about your behavior.
 
Here's the best way to think about it:
 
Imagine you met a woman who had never had Ice
Cream in her life.
 
Obviously, you'd want to share the experience
with her - after all, who doesn't like Ice
Cream?
 
But you'd share it with her in a certain way.
 
You'd have no attachment to when she had it -
or even IF she had it.
 
After all, it's clear she's going to have it
EVENTUALLY, and there's no reason she
wouldn't want to have it with you.
 
When you finally do get some ice cream with
her you wouldn't be fussing over all the
details...
 
After all - Ice Cream is great any way you
have it.
 
There's really no way to screw it up, UNLESS
you make a big deal out of it.
 
Now me TELLING you to be relaxed and ACTUALLY
being relaxed are two different things.
 
As you can imagine, I give a lot of tips and
a few exercises in the Zero Drama Dating
program available this week.
 
But for now, just notice how you interact
with women on a day-to-day basis, and HOLD
THAT ENERGY through those moments you want to
try something .... new.

Posted in body language, couples, dating, east africa, kenya, love, women Tagged: buzz, couples, daily nation, eastandard, insight, kenya, love, mantalk, pulse, zuqka

Unataka? Galfriend or to be a ladies man?

santzu — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 08:30:21 +0000

I have a question for you.

Do you want to be a “ladies’ man” or do you just want a girlfriend? A smart man wants both.

When guys ask me about being great with women, the first question I always ask is: “Unataka?”

Many tell me they want one girlfriend only because they just can’t create the picture of themselves dating three women at the same time. It’s so far out of their reality.

But the truth is that the possibilities are endless. You can have what you want, but in order to get it you have to be open to it. You have to believe that it’s possible… and that it’s possible for you.

Want to date three to four women without lying nor using manipulation? It’s done all the time by guys who live that reality. Yes, you can be upfront and honest to all of them. Yes, many will walk away. Yes, many will be okay with it.

It’s also okay to date just one girl if that’s what you really want. If your friends are always going on about their conquests and pressure you to get “laid” more often, then tell them to get lost. Be who you are.

The only danger that I see often with this situation is that the guy gets too attached. It’s human nature for a guy to want to be around this beautiful girl at all times and know what she’s doing every minute of every day.

When this happens, the guy usually begins to display possessiveness and insecurities that kill the relationship. The girl leaves him and he’s left scratching his head, all lonely and hurt wondering what he did wrong.

I recommend to guys that in the beginning, you date two to three girls. Yes, maybe you like one girl more than the other two. But since you have the other two, you’re not going to get obsessed with one.

When you start to think “I wonder what she’s doing”, your ship begins to sink. This is the first sign of neediness growing in your mind. This is the point where you begin to self-sabotage yourself in the relationship.

More than anything, a woman wants a man with a life—a guy who isn’t going to smother her. That’s why most women out there really are open to your dating other women (at least in the beginning until her emotions get the better of her). They’ll never admit it, but women find a man who has other women in his life attractive.

It means he has a life and that he’s a challenge for her to win over. Which is why it’s best to be a “ladies’ man” even if you just want one girlfriend. At least until she’s proven herself to you for a very long time. (And I’m talking years here. Months don’t cut it.)

Being a “ladies’ man” is nothing but having choice in your life. You don’t have to be a “player”. A player lies and manipulates whereas a ladies’ man is honest and direct. A player says, “You’re the only girl in my life” but a ladies’ man says, “I’m not ready to settle down and I’m seeing a couple of girls”.

Believe it or not, when you say this it makes women want you even more. Be honest to yourself and be honest to the women in your life. Even if it’s bold or comes across as rude or arrogant, don’t shy away from it.

And please… don’t make the mistake of locking yourself into a relationship too soon. On the other hand, don’t be a player. Find a balance between the two. Be honest with yourself and others. Follow these simple steps and women will automatically gravitate into your life.

Posted in couples, dating, kenya, love, women Tagged: buzz, couples, daily nation, eastandard, insight, kenya, love, mantalk, pulse, zuqka

Yes We Can – Barack Obama Music Video

santzu — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 13:34:46 +0000

more about “Yes We Can – Barack Obama Music Video“, posted with vodpod

Posted in east africa, kenya Tagged: zuqka

Rod Blagojevich Is a Jagoff | The Daily Show | Comedy Central

santzu — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 13:28:50 +0000

more about "Rod Blagojevich Is a Jagoff | The Dai…", posted with vodpod

Posted in Uncategorized

Will We Ever Understand Bebes?

santzu — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 12:38:56 +0000

Most guys will never be great with women because they don’t truly want it. Just like everybody says they want to be rich. But how many people will actually pick up a book on how to make money? Or go out of their way to study people who are rich?

Not many.

You have to want it… whatever it is.

Many guys look for lines and techniques because that is what everyone else is teaching.

These are the guys looking for a quick fix. They don’t really want it.

You have to want it.

Many guys have an emptiness inside of them, and they believe that if they can get women into their lives, that void will be filled.

But that’s not what it’s all about. It’s about becoming the best man you can be… the most sexually confident man you can be. This is what attracts women naturally. You have to fill the void first yourself, then women will flow into your life. Women cannot fill the void for you.

There is no way around this. In order to attract the women you want into your life, there are no “techniques”.

You must be real and true to yourself… AND you must be real and true to women… meaning that it’s time to stop changing what you say and change who you ARE instead.

Learning tricks and lines may provide an instant gratification. Some of it may work… but only temporarily.

Because the void will still be there.

Let’s go back to the example of people who want to be rich. In order to make money, you need to put in the effort required to learn how it’s done. You may need to reinvent yourself as a person to achieve this goal. If you’ve been hanging around drugs your entire life, you’re probably going to have to get away from them and start hanging around with and studying rich people.

Most people aren’t willing to part with their old selves, though. They get scared and resort to tricks and techniques to get money. Some would even rather rob banks or hack into investment companies than take the time to do it right.

Sure, they may make some money doing it this way. But at what price? It could all be over any second with a knock at the door.

If they had just spent the time learning how a man of integrity does it (instead of falling for the “get-rich-quick” artists), they would have reaped much greater rewards.

Same with women. You can’t become amazing with women quickly. It doesn’t happen that way. Everything good in life takes time, dedication, and passion.

It all comes down to the same thing, though: Become great yourself.

Stop making excuses. Stop blaming others. Take control of your life.

I can help you achieve this, I can help you be this man that naturally attracts beautiful women into you life but you need to me the decision first. DO YOU REALLY WANT IT?

Accept who you are, where you are, and focus on becoming the best man you can be. Grab your life by the horns and start taking responsibility for it.

You will be amazed at how being great with women will be just a natural add-on to all this.

Posted in body language, couples, dating, kenya, love, women Tagged: buzz, couples, daily nation, eastandard, insight, kenya, love, mantalk, pulse, zuqka

The South Park Society Of Vampires – Clips – South Park Studios

santzu — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 12:38:13 +0000

Yup!!

more about "The South Park Society Of Vampires – …", posted with vodpod

Posted in Uncategorized

Weekend Plans..B-)

santzu — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 12:21:42 +0000

Hii weekend…

Do something different!

Being great with women is a by-product of having a fantastic life. You may know every smooth routine, line and hypnotic story in the world but… no life is still no life!

Start going out to find new and exciting things you enjoy doing. This weekend, don’t stay at home watching television or playing video games. Get out of the house!

How about taking a class? I bet there’s something you’ve always wanted to learn, but for some reason or another you haven’t. Make this weekend the one in which you finally take the first step.

How about a road trip? I bet there are attractions near where you live that you can visit. Go there, enjoy the site, and make friends.

How about a local event? Check the Friday newspaper for your area. I bet there’s something going on somewhere in which a large group of people are gathered. Go and hang out.

But don’t treat it as a “mission”… just enjoy yourself and your life.

If you’re not enjoying your life, how can you expect a woman to be a part of it? No woman wants to be with a guy who does nothing all the time.

Think about it this way. You’ve probably heard it said that your life flashes before your eyes when you’re about to die. If you were to die tomorrow, would you be content with your flashbacks? If not, then get out there and start living the life you want so you can say “Chief, I lived a full life!”

And make sure it’s something you really like… something that fits in with your personality. Ask yourself…

“What do I enjoy doing?”

If you can’t answer the question, find an answer. Put yourself into alignment with the man you want to be.

This weekend… Get a life! Women will love you for it.

Have a great weekend!

Posted in couples, dating, kenya, love, women Tagged: buzz, couples, daily nation, eastandard, insight, kenya, love, mantalk, pulse, zuqka

Are all the good bebes taken?

santzu — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 11:22:36 +0000

The reality is, there are more quality chikadis
on this planet than any one man could hope to
meet in his LIFETIME. No matter how you
personally define ‘quality’.

Chief, trust me, they are NOT all taken.

Not by a long shot.

Still, I can relate to what you are talking
about, because I used to think the same way.

What tends to happen when we are still
building confidence with women is we spend a
lot MORE time hanging out with amazing women
that are in relationships, and a lot LESS time
with amazing women who are NOT in
relationships.

When that’s the case, we very naturally focus
on all the great women we CAN’T have and MISS a
lot of amazing women that are around us that
may or may not be in relationships.

These days I spend most of my time with
amazing women that are NOT in relationships -
either flirting trying to pick them up, out on
dates with them, or meeting them as they are
casually dating my friends or roommates.

On the other hand, since most of my friends
are single, and I don’t work in an office, I
spend almost NO time with quality women that
ARE ‘taken’.

I can also tell you in my experience that
while exceptional women are much more likely to
be DESIRED by men, they are NOT more likely to
be in a relationship. They can get a man any
time of course, and often feel secure being
single for a while.

So from my perspective, all the amazing women
are single!

Who’s right?

It’s just a matter of what you focus on. It
kind of like when you think about buying a mots
and then all of a sudden you see it EVERYWHERE
you go.

I’m sure I meet great women in relationships
all the time, I just don’t FOCUS on them
because I make sure I spend more time with
great women who are single.

Now for part 2, the practical advice.

When you are stuck on a negative perspective
with women…

START DATING!

Just start now.

Even if you go on some so-so dates, you’ll
start feeling better about yourself and your
options immediately.

(Women do this ALL THE TIME, by the way. They
just go on dates for fun when they need a good
boost to their self esteem – why not?)

Don’t just try to find that ‘perfect’ woman,
because…

A. She might not exist, and

B. You’ll miss out on an amazing wealth of
opportunities to meet a lot of FUN women, and
improve your attraction & rapport skills for
when you do find THE woman.

And one more thing, this is important… I’ve
found as I’ve dated many different women, as I
get to know them, they surprise me and often I
like them more and more as we get to know each
other.

Remember, often women act differently when you
first meet them, because society has
‘programmed’ them to BE a certain way around
men.

Listen, I want a woman who is self confident,
athletic, intelligent, and has a clear set of
goals and direction in her life.

Many woman won’t show those qualities when you
first meet them, and it’s because frankly a lot
of guys would be intimidated by a woman like
that.

But when a woman gets to know you and you let
her know you like those qualities, you may be
amazed at what you find. It’s happened to me
many times.

So the big lesson here is to simply just START
dating. Go meet some women and set up simple
fun things to do with them.

You’ll get better with women, you can have a
good time, and you may be surprised when you
find a woman who meets your standards AFTER you
get to know her.

And remember, the more women you have in your
life, the more attractive other women will find
you.

Posted in body language, couples, dating, kenya, love, women Tagged: buzz, couples, daily nation, eastandard, insight, kenya, love, mantalk, pulse, zuqka

The Art of W (..ooing)

santzu — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 09:55:35 +0000

Okay, now that that’s done… I want to talk
about something VERY important:

How to get her home after the kiss…

So you’re at the club (or party) on New Year’s
Eve.

The music is bumping, all the chikitas are
bumping to the music, you’re doing your thing,
and it’s going well. You may even have made out
with the girl that you’re into.

Then 3… 2… 1… Happy New Year!

Wewe! She’s really into you… It’s just a
matter of getting her home & you KNOW you can
close the deal.

OK, you need to get her from the club to your
house.

So you whisper in her ear, “Let’s go back to
my place.”

“I can’t… I want to, but I drove all my
friends here and I have to get them all back
home.”

How many times has that bitten you in the
butt?

It happened to me… More times than what I’d
like to admit to.

After she leaves with her friends, you’re
sitting there with no girl, and all the other
girls you were interested in have (probably)
left the party with someone else.

Happy New Year? Not so much.

You see, so many guys blow it with a woman in
situations JUST LIKE THESE, and it’s something
that is completely Avoidable.

Here’s How to Fix it…

Are you Ready?

Ask Her.

You’ve probably spent a lot of time (like me)
over the years scheming & plotting to get women
to come home with you. And you may have been
lucky once-in-a-while.

But when you go out for New Years, the MOST
IMPORTANT thing you need to think about is
Logistics.

If you’re looking to ‘hook up’ on New Year’s,
you don’t want to waste your night (and your
time) with a girl that nothing’s going to
happen with.

When you’re vibing with a woman, all you have
to do is ask, “So did you all come here
together?” Or something along those lines, and
you’re..well..golden.

Simple, isn’t it?

Posted in dating, kenya, love, women Tagged: buzz, couples, daily nation, eastandard, insight, kenya, love, mantalk, pulse, zuqka